I think we're hooked

to Guitar Hero World Tour that is. We just hooked it up last night and had a great time trying to play it. I'm thinking maybe we should've gotten Rock Band, the graphics are definitely better but really I have no idea how to access any of the DLC?? which is what people seem to say makes it better. It does have a no fail option which is something I could definitely use. I SUCK!!! Hopefully the more you play the easier it gets because we played for about 3.5 hrs and were only able to complete 1 song on easy. So anyway, like I said we're hooked. I can't wait to have people over and try having GH parties. I'll probably get RB too. I might never leave the house again.
I'm actually kind of pissed I have to go to NY tomorrow while my husband gets to stay home and practice!

Some random thoughts...

I'm so completely relaxed today it's ridiculous! All life's superficial stuff couldn't be better right now. I'm finally flying again (only for a day but still) and was able to get so much done since I didn't stop for a butt every 15 min. My team is actually in the running for a wild card (WHAT?!?) Xmas is almost here and while it looks to be lean we'll finally be spending the entire holiday together. It would be awesome if I could not go back to work ever again but we'll be broke by Jan so that is not going to be happening. I don't even care I lost my darts (in my own car btw) since they'll either turn up or I'll get new ones. So right now at 2:15 on Monday I'm super content.

I do of course have to bitch about something. What is it about mothers? Why do we have to describe every gross thing about our children in such detail? It's one thing if your being descriptive because it might help someone else to answer any questions you have asked but if you're just cancelling a playdate can't you just say Susie has a cold. I don't need to know the color and consistency of her snot every time. I also don't need to know who's finally pooping normally again and who's not. Again, if you're concerned and think a little description will help someone else identify an illness for you fine but do we have to have never ending discussions on this stuff? I know the life of a parent to a small child, especially a stay at home mom, can get monotonous but can't we ever talk about something besides what kind of gross shit is coming out what orifice?

Once again, I am stunned

By peoples beliefs that is. Anyone who actually knows me, knows I love biblical history. I love finding out when some of the stuff in these books are true. So I just finished watching a Koran special. I found out quite a bit I didn't know as far as the actual writing down went. I also didn't know since there is no "governing body" so to speak it is up to each person to read and interpret the meaning of this cryptic and confusing piece of writing. So of course similar to every other major religion Muslims can pick and choose which suras they want to display the rightness of their particular beliefs.

So here I am once again...wondering what is wrong with everyone.

How can they just believe these things they read in their various holy books, especially when the books themselves so often contradict themselves. When the history behind the creation or compilation of these "holy books" is known to have been flawed or at the very least heavily influenced by whatever the powers that be at the time wanted the religion to represent. I know everyone thinks about the Catholics first when they hear this. They were after all the most powerful for a very long time. They were instrumental in the Mary Magdalene being a whore bit simply by her placement in the bible, immediately following a whore that is. They were not the first to make up stuff for their religion and they will not be the last.

I still believe with all my heart, Christ's message, even Mohammed's message (when placed in historical context) are peaceful ones. So why do they seem to engender so much hate. Throughout time people have warred with one another over whose religion is right. Why? If I'm wrong why does anyone else care about my soul. I can just hear people saying I don't understand because I don't believe but that's simply BS. It's better to kill me than to allow me to believe whatever I believe?

There was a Newsweek article about the ways in which the bible supports gay marriage or at the very least does not support what we in the Christian west call marriage anyway. There are of course the usual outcries from the hypochristian right. "the writer will burn in Hell" (how very Christlike) and so on. Most of the anti-gay stuff in the bible is in the old testament, mixed with the how to properly make a sacrifice stuff and how to get a good price for a slave Yes, it does say a man shall not lay with a man, but not a word about women. If we're going to be literal does that mean it's ok for women? Again, I can hear it. I'm being ridiculous etc...

So I'm back at my original point. Once again I'm stunned. Stunned by people's intolerance, even hatred, of those who are not like themselves, who don't follow the exact same god, in the exact same way. They jump back and forth between fear of me and hatred of me.(Me and my filthy atheist friends of course) Someone even said I was pure evil. Wow!! Since I consider pure evil to be more along the Hitler, Pol Pot lines imagine my surprise. No wonder they want to kill each other over the religious differences. While we're there who exactly should a "good Christian" be fighting. I know the Muslims must fight the "infidel" but who does the christian fight these days? Some say Obama since he's the antichrist (there's another WOW!!!) Should the Baptists fight the Lutherans? How about the born-agains, I think they should take on the Mormons. Polygamy, the single most common type of marriage found in the bible, is obviously immoral and wrong, so somebody has to stop them. What about the scientologists? They are obviously nuts, rich but nuts. After all the idea of aliens putting themselves in volcanoes is so much crazier than a guy turning water into wine and bringing the dead back to life.

While I'm at it, I was watching that 17 & counting show the other night and they took their home-schooled kids to a Creation Museum. Where dinosaurs and people were together at the same watering hole so to speak. Where Jim-bob explained to his kids "see this is evolution, they say we come from monkeys" and the real winner "the earth is only about 6000 years old" WTF!!!! People say they want their kids raised in a world that reflects their values and I can respect that. I want my children raised in a world where idiots who spout this sort of nonsense are locked in cages. It should be child abuse to misinform children like this. I know science isn't perfect but holy shit are you kidding me? Can I just make up some alternate history about the "holohoax" or maybe that other "scientific theory" the neo-nazis have where black people are actually not human beings. Of course not ,that's crazy, but label it religion and you can say or do whatever you want. I'm rambling and I have to stop but like I said in my first post, this is one of those topics I will never tire of babbling about so be ready for more.

A few downs but more ups this week.

So, the smoking...I did it! It's only been a week but I can just tell I'm done. It feels so good to have that demon off my back. Don't get me wrong, I'm still doing way too much eating but that should ebb soon and then it'll be the new year and time to work on the weight loss. Really, whether I end up with 10 extra pounds or so doesn't really matter as long as I'm feeling better in general.

Another huge step, at least with regard to my mental health, is quitting my job. I love some of the people I work with but for the most part it is the most messed up place with the most messed up people I've ever come into contact with. There are 3 people (well now 2) who don't do drugs, almost everyone with kids have either lost custody or given them up or just don't support them. I can't even start on M & M. What lousy miserable and selfish people. I can't wait till they are nothing but memories. I know $$ will be tight for a bit but I really think a little time to get grounded again will do me and my family wonders. God knows the house could use some TLC. I really need to concentrate on Sean and getting this whole testing thing going so I know this will be start of great times for us. It's been such a lousy year for my extended family it's been hard to remember how lucky we really are. There are always some ups and downs but mostly we have ups. Our children our healthy (or at least free from major health issues) and the limited time we have together is spent laughing. What else is there really? Nothing that actually matters in the long run. I know I tend to jump to absolute and extreme reactions which probably seems to friends like I'm miserable half the time but that's just me.

So, I don't believe in New Years Resolutions but I do believe in fresh starts or at least little tweaks. So my plans the rest of the year are to sit back and relax and let whatever will be be. I'm going to embrace it all, good and bad,the easy and the stuff that requires work. This is my life and I'm once again ready to live it to it's fullest.

Well, here goes nothin!

So I'm on day 3 of no smoking and about to come up against the most difficult challenge yet...work at the bar. It wouldn't be so bad if we had regular rules like a normal place. Nope, we can smoke whenever and wherever we want. I can take an order with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth if I want. To make it worse it's a coworker and friends b-day party tonight so it'll probably be crowded and extra smokey. However, I have faith I can do this. As long as I don't get into my own head and talk myself into smoking I'll be fine. My boss and husbands best friend actually said some dumb shit about that too. I was looking for my candy (I'm gaining a pound a day unfortunately) and he says you know it's all in your head. No shit! Then claims when he quit it was no problem at all. I didn't know him then but I know he a fat pig now, so I'm guessing he started eating 12 years ago and hasn't stopped since. I hope I only gain about 10 pounds but I guess it'll be worth it. Anyway, here goes nothin!

Am I Bipolar?

Lately, it sure seems that way. Ridiculously happy one minute and trying to drink away my sadness the next. Yes, I definitely have a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol. Really with all things that are or could possibly become addictive. Who wouldn't want to avoid my life. It's either really run away or do it in my mind.

I hate 2008! If one more fucking thing goes wrong I might not make it. First Uncle Michael's leg, then Michael's foot and job loss coinciding so wonderfully with Megan's job loss and pregnancy. Uncle Paul's & Jillian's hospitalizations. My grandmother is too old to deal with all of this and I AM NOT READY to lose her. Mom is sick, Scott is sick, I'm sick. It feels like we've been passing this crap around for months now.

The boys, well Sean at least is having so much trouble with school I'm heart broken for him. To see him struggle every day to try to figure things out, to just sit still long enough to get homework done is a torture for everyone involved. I lose it at least once a week and of course beat myself up for the next 2 hrs. He can't help it I can!

Then there's of course the $$. There's just never enough. We were finally making some progress in paying off our stupidity when everyone else in the family needed something. Mom had to go help the Michaels and I had to cut back on hours. My brother and Megan lost their jobs the same day and can't get new ones till she has the baby and his foot clears up so I'm helping them out. I know the $ bit would be a little better if we cut some stuff out but without a few perks I really think I'll sink into a funk I may never get out of.

They've been working on this crown in my mouth for what seems like a year and my hives won't go away. How am I going to find a new job with a swollen face? I never see my husband and I'm not sure I care anymore. I just want him to spend some time with his kids. He works all the time and I get that he's tired but part of it is a martyr thing and I won't help anyone who does that. He asks last night if I mind if he goes hunting for Thanksgiving. Are you kidding me? Can't take a weekend or even 1 whole weekend day off the whole fucking summer to go camping with the boys but Mike asks and it's no problem. I'll have to go off on him in a different post it would take a day and I don't have the time right now.

I just want a little time to myself to think about things and decide what I'm going to do and I just don't see it happening anytime soon. I guess I'll I just stay in my bipolar limbo for now. Cheers!

T.G.I.Sunday!

Even though we have a nursing home visit with the Boy Scouts and then a soccer party I feel like it's a day off. We successfully pulled off our second catering event and what a load off both our minds. After the last one I wasn't sure it was worth the stress level. Especially for Scott. He already works 7 days a week and the actual cooking and of course purchasing and planning of the food is pretty much all on him. I can set up a beautiful affair, keep the dishes filled and clean of course but in the kitchen I'm pretty much a waste of space.

I'm so proud of the fantastic job he did yesterday and of course didn't even tell him so I'll need to correct that as soon as he gets home from work. This was a group of about 75 people with an avg age of 67 so not necessarily easy to please and the only complaint we heard was the plates weren't big enough. People asked for our cards (which were probably still wet!!!) what kinds of catering we specialize in, if we had prices for their real Thanksgiving meals! It's sort of humbling. I never doubted he could make great food, but our style is very Yankee and this is sometimes hard for us to edit the snootyness out. Southern Grandmas asked for the collards recipe of a Jewish boy from Long Island.

I hope we can really make a go of this catering business. We still have lot to learn. Especially, when it comes to how much to make, how many people to hire, and sorts of other paperwork type issues but so far so good. We both love to feed and serve people. To provide them with an experience they'll never forget and food they wish they could duplicate. There is little more satisfying than doing what you love, doing it for yourself, and making a little money in process.

(hey this doesn't really fit on an Angry Moms blog does it?)

Yea!!! Soccer's finally over

Today was the last soccer game of the season and I couldn't be happier. I can't explain it but I just hate the sport. Not the professionals, I don't follow it but I've been known to sit through a game or two, my son's soccer games. I find the whole thing just mind-numbingly boring. Derek's pretty good, he loves it, usually scores a few goals I just can't explain why I hate it so much. I try to get dad to go but he's always working and there I am every Saturday morning screaming and yelling along with everyone else wishing it would end sooner.

Maybe it's because I sucked at it when I was a kid. Some sort of subconscious thing or something. My grandmother swears I'll learn to love it, but I didn't love when she was dragging me to all my uncle's games either. His coach is talking about advanced next season. That means more practice and more games! If he ends up being good I might have to do this for another 8-10 years. I don't think I can do it.

All I know is he's trying basketball this winter and I really, really, really, really hope he likes it better.

What a mess!

When I stared this blog the other day I truly had no intention for those on the mommy site to even see it. That's how novice I am at this stuff. I simply needed to vent. I follow the blogs of others to see what they're thinking, how similar we may or may not be and I suppose out of sheer curiosity. I'm sometimes amazed and stunned by what I read but have never maliciously thought or tried to hurt someone else. I stand by what I wrote, it is how I feel. I however, did not mean it as an indictment of any particular person or the way our club is run. I do feel the opinions of those not conservative are often taken immediately as some sort of insult but whatever I'm the minority and I know that. So, if I hurt anyone's feelings in particular I apologize. I was simply shocked by the vehemence and hatred oozing from people because the "wrong" guy won the election. People called us idiots, said we acted like he was some sort of God, fear the future and want to leave the country, MY COUNTRY.

As for the hypochristian thing...I did not at any point say this was all Christians nor did I say all Christians were the same. I'm well aware of the differences between the many denominations. I spent many years trying to find the right fit. I went to well over 50 different churches, synagogues, temples, halls even a Bahai group so small they met in a living room. I have discovered I simply don't believe any of it. I am a person of science, I believe we have not yet discovered our origins but I believe we will. I believe organized religion is pretty much the root of all evil. One group or another's "God" or dogma has been the cause of more death and destruction over the course of human history than almost everything else combined (leaving out the Black Death of course) and will be the cause of millions upon millions more.

I also fail to understand how people cannot question books that have been edited and rewritten countless times. Biblical history is full of examples of switching which books "made the cut" and which didn't based on the politics of the time. This is not something I've made up it is fact. It's full of great stories with great messages. It is also full of terrifying stories and sad messages.

I also cannot understand how people can possibly believe their religion is right and the millions of others who believe something else are wrong. There are millions of Buddhists, Hindus, Jews, and Muslims and Christians (and those are just the big ones) Somebody is wrong, somebody has to be. Yet, they each believe as fervently as the other.

The biggest problem I have though is this inability of others to understand that I believe what I believe just as strongly as they believe in their God. I should not have to keep that to myself or be afraid of recrimination when I speak out. This assumption I'm somehow lost or incapable of understanding is nonsense. My believing you're deluded does not mean I'm being malicious, just as you're believing I'm going to hell means you want me there. My experience with those people I call hypochristians has not been one to inspire any sort of desire to know their God. From telling my son we're going to hell because we haven't been saved, to saying Halloween is Satan worshipping. If you're one of the people who would say or do that then I did mean you.

Otherwise, these are simply my random thoughts on my experience. I love a great debate but I don't get offended by a difference of opinion. I find it disappointing so many others do. One small fact, 20% of this country now identifies itself as agnostic or atheist. That's more than enough to start speaking out for what we believe.

So here I am blogging...

I've been following other blogs, especially people from my mommy site and simply need somewhere to vent! Hopefully one day I'll get my blog looking nice with pics etc... but for now this will do.

I cannot believe how ridiculous and crazy some people are. One mom is disgusted and wants go back to Canada. Others talk about how stupid people were for voting for Obama. As if this one man has the power to completely change the future of our country. Or there was much difference between him and "Maverick McCain".

Others say God won't bless us, horrible immoral people that we are and if I'm not even trying to be a Christian how dare I tell them how they should be behaving. I've read the Bible, Koran and Torah, the Bible more than once. (who doesn't enjoy historical FICTION!!!!) I'm pretty sure I have the ability to decipher Christ's message. You know, Christ as in Christian? These "hypochristians" as I've chosen to label them, just pick and choose quotes from whatever parts of the book that seem to suit them. I take particular offense to the convenient quoting of the Old Testament, you know that book those Jews wrote that was simply not good enough for them. When Jesus said turn the other cheek he only meant ....I'm gonna go with an eye for an eye. What a big suprise! Abortion is wrong but the death penalty is not. How convenient! Let he who is without sin... Oh wait I get to decide, cool. Blessed are the poor,meek etc... those Democrats are going to raise my taxes and give them to the poor? How dare they! After all every single person on welfare is just having babies to get more money.

Oh, I could go on forever and probably will have at least a million more posts about this particular subject. I wasn't even all that fond of Obama but now I can't tell you how delighted I am to have been a part of the big F U this election sent to the conservative hypochristians in this country.